The Meatmen - Cover The Earth
What’s there to say about a man who dresses up in a white ABBA jumpsuit, a man who refers to himself as the Dutch Hercules, a man who picks on crippled children, lesbians, and foreigners, a man who shoots confetti out of a giant dick at adoring fans, a man who refers to said fans as “weenbags” and “tuna trenches”? What’s there to say? Honestly, I don’t know, but if any of these things offend you, Tesco Vee and his long running revolving door of a band, The Meatmen, are not for you. The Meatmen are to punk what Troma Films are to movies. Their name says it all. They are men of meat. Big dicked rock and roll juggernauts. They have two missions as far as I can tell. Offending people, rocking asses off, and talking about their dicks. Wait, I guess that’s three things.
“Cover the Earth” is the first Meatmen album in over ten years. Tesco made mention of it when I saw them play last winter in some Polish bar in Brooklyn. When I saw it in the record shop last week I couldn’t pass it up. I mean, how do you pass up an album with a cartoon of the band ejaculating on the globe? When I brought it to the counter the girl that rang me up even understood. But don’t get too excited fellow weenbags. This isn’t a proper Meatmen album. Instead, Tesco and his new band of dudes 30 or so years younger than him are covering their favorite Rock tunes of all time. Do they cover punk bands? Yes. Do they cover Blue Oyster Cult, ABBA, and Jerry Lee Lewis too? Yes, again.
If you’ve never heard The Meatmen this probably isn’t the best place to start. I suggest “We’re the Meatmen… And You Still Suck” (their live album) instead. There’s also a really great collection of all their Touch & Go albums out called “Stud Powercock” that’s a nice intro for the uninitiated. However, are you a long-time pud poppin’, baloney slappin’, cockbag like myself? If yes, then by all means buy this album to complete your collection. It’s got some great Meat-takes on Thin Lizzy (Bad Reputation), Motorhead (Vibrator), Fear (I Love Livin’ In The City), and Johnny Thunders (One Track Mind). And if that’s not enough at one point Tesco mentions how he wants to fuck “The View’s” Joy Behar. Granted he’s in character when he does it, but talk about showing your age!
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