Awhile back a band called DBCR contacted Uncle Brother T about maybe sending him a 7 inch to review. T is neck deep in Baldy Longhair bizness (best tape company you ever heard of, suc kas) so I said I’d handle it. After a long wait I got the 7 inch. After an equally long wait I gave it a listen.

I assumed their first track on the disc “Let Them Eat Bikes” ( I guess an allusion to the Marie Antoinette quote) was gonna be an uptempo, we-ride-bikes-so-fuck-you deal. For the youth. Turns out to not be so.

It is uptempo. It’s kind of Crass meets Husker Du by way of early Sham. It’s a sociological rant against upper middle-class giving orders about recycling and bike lanes while real problems get ignored. Picture all those fuckers you see on x-pensive ass bikes rocking Che Guevara t-shirts from Starbucks back to their Brownstones. Yah fuck them. I had to think about it, but I agree with them.

So I flip the disc feeling like I gotta handle on theses cats. 4-4 time conscious punk. Let’s do it. Turns out no. Slow, slow sludged out. Second cut, “Reverse Broken Window Theory Part I” had me thinking (goddamnit) that I had the record player on the wrong speed. Then the lyrics, thoughtfully included with download code, had me thinking (goddamn it a fucking gain) what the reverse broken window theory might mean. Best I could come up with would be a state of shiny and empty promises. A country with really good wi-fi but no real hope. And again, I can get behind DBCR, fuck that too.

So in conclusion, DBCR are a good band, they can move from the quick to the slow stuff equally well and they are clever dudes. Well compared to me, for example. They will make you bob yo head. and think. fuck.

But also
Here lies the almighty FSS, gone but not to be forgotten.
Requiem In Pacem
Who hanged the stars and opens the bars?
Yus.

“Scratching Post” will immediately bring a smile to your face. I can’t listen to this and not be put in a good mood. Reminds me of early Weston and maybe even a little early J Church in that their songs perfectly encapsulate the murky waters of early adulthood while still having one foot firmly planted in joyful adolescence. Button Up are youthful without being immature. Fun without being a joke. And earnest without having to sport beards and flannel shirts.

You can listen to the whole thing right now here but c’mon dude…music on a computer??? That’s so 1999. Get the 7″. It’s one of these new mixed colored records I keep seeing pop up in my mailorder deliveries. I dig em. Earth friendlier and entirely unique. My copy is kinda a purply black swirly typa deal.

Since I first blasted their Raw Pie cassette I’ve been hooked. This band literally encompasses everything that rock and roll should be. And they bring the fucking tunes to back their attitudes earning the right to rip off Carl from Aqua Teen and Joey’s ghost as much as they damn well please.

Oops Baby Records who not only has one of my favorite logos (look it up jerk) also now put out one of my favorite 7″s of the year. This ones worth it for the cover art alone. Order soon in hopes of getting the limited pepperoni red colored wax.  Or don’t and possibly get brass knuckled up by the band.  Your choice numb-nuts.

Before I even get into the music let me talk for a minute about how awesome this thing looks. Rick Froberg of Drive Like Jehu/Hot Snakes drew the cover art. The edition I got even came with a lithograph of it signed by Sir Froberg that some day when I’m not broke I might get framed. The vinyl itself (and there are a couple variants out there but the edition I got anyway) is half marble green half clear orange. It’s so fucking rad. And Temporary Residence as always put in a welcome download code so that I can take “Parasites” on my train into work like I’m doing right now. On to the tracks tho.

I was a little nervous that this EP was going be a bunch of throw-aways that didn’t make the cut for their last LP but not only are they absolutely not they also create a mini album of sorts with a life all its own. The tracks flow into one another like they were meant for this release and this release only which is not always  an easy thing to do with a short player.

Lyrically and thematically “Parasites” is every bit as dense and dark as the bands other output. I mean before I even heard it I’m reading titles like The Ghost of God and knowing what I’m in for. The one song I wasn’t too into was Girl With The Fiery Eye. Musically it’s as good as anything else on here but something about that lyric seemed a tad corny to be. Fuck it though there’s well more than enough other killer songs on here to make up for the one mediocre one. I actually think I like track Big Baby the best which is an odd choice considering that as far as I can tell it’s just a angry tune directed at bassist Mike Pascal for being late to practice. It’s not exactly their most profound song lyrically but something about it just gets me going. Guess maybe I know a lot of big babies.

Christ. Not that this has anything to do with anything but I’m writing this review on my damn iPhone while taking the train into work and this app I’m using to type it out is pissing me off so hard that I have to cut this short. But yeah “Parasites”. Get it. Or get them I should say. Then get checked out at a clinic.

COLISEUM “Waiting (Too Late)” Music Video from Coliseum on Vimeo.

Hate Rain On Me

Lately The FSS feels like there’s an overdose of cleverness in young adult culture. Hipsters are clever (or so they think) and we fuckin’ despise those dudes. Does thy mean Uncle T doesn’t like this album? Nah. Quite the opposite. On the whole this band is too odd and uncool to carry any hipster cache. And you can tell that AJJ has deep roots in punk. Their earnestness outshines their cleverness and what’s left is the most gloriously unsure sure band I’ve ever heard. At one point they even apologize for the guitar solo they’re about to break into.

Lemme start with Sean Bonnette’s singing voice. I’ve been trying to find a good way to describe it and the best I can come up with is that the guy sounds like his allergies might be acting up but also he’s a little nauseous. I bet like GWAR and GG before him this guy is no stranger to puking on stage. See I can be clever too. But all cleverness aside Sean and his lyrics are genuine and that’s a quality not easily found these days. And it’s no surprise to me that Mike Park and Asian Man Records put this out as they’re pretty genuine in their own right.

“Knife Man” is filled with songs I think anyone past age 18 can relate to. Anthems for the underemployed. Songs about wearing sweatpants, jacking off, white guilt, loneliness, being broke, depression, etc. The weird part of it is this album doesn’t come off as a big depressed snooze fest. If anything it’s damn near triumphant folk punk. Rollicking when it needs to be. Silly even at times. If all this is clever maybe then cleverness is something we can take back from the hipster community. Mustaches we’re coming for you next.

“The Other Side of Darkness” is the punk album for the kids that not only love horror classics like The Howling but who also love the not-so-classics like The Howling 3: The Marsupials. Forget having seen all the Scream movies…have you seen all the Critters movies? Even the one in outer space??? Do you hold Class of 1984 and Sorority House Massacre 2 in the same regard some people hold shit like Titanic or fucking Forrest Gump? If yes you need this record. And I want to be clear about something, Night Birds are not cheesy at all (despite my cheesy horror movie references). This isn’t the fucking Danzig-less Misfits. These songs sound dead serious. People tend to forget the fact that a Carpenter flick like They Live (while it’s most known for a 10 minute cheese laden back-alley fight scene revolving around a pair of sunglasses) is a direct critique of advertising, big business, and politics in Amerikkka. Night Birds not only understand this but they even wrote a song about it (Hoffman Lens).

Shit even if you’ve never been to a horror convention you need this record. It’s like the second coming of the Adolescents meets the surf punk leanings of bands like Agent Orange. Put these guys right up there with OFF in terms of breathing real life back into old school hardcore. Some of the best songs on this album like Paranoid Times and Oblivious have little to do with horror movies and more to do with the horrors of everyday life like war and the possibility that when the world ends there’s really nothing more after it.

Grave Mistake and the band put out 210 copies of this with a really rad ass silk screened cover. And the vinyl sounds every bit as good as the packaging looks. This needs to be the next record you buy.

In the meantime I’ll conclude with my Joe Bob Briggsian album summary…The Other Side of Darkness: torture, disease, the end of the world, 1 eye, 2 demons, 1 murdered dog, and 2 boobs.

It would however just be shitty of me to not at least mention the importance of the Dead Kennedys at least in my life up to this point. Bands like DK were in a way my first introduction to political thought. Here were bands talking about the government, big business, poverty, and most importantly placing value on individuality… and for the first time in my life I was starting to understand a little better the world around me. I also was starting to question things I used to take for granted. I once had someone tell me that eventually I’d get older and think more conservatively. I’m still waiting for that day to come. So when you see me still rocking a DK pin on my jacket (like the one I wore out to dinner last night) that’s me letting you know that not only have I not given up, but I also have impeccable taste in music.

To say that The Dead Kennedys were purely Jello Biafra is nonsense. That surf punk sound that was crafted by the rest of the band was every bit as important as the lyrics. If it was just some guy screaming over a microphone to noise, who in the hell would listen? Instead what you got was this almost amped up terrifying version of Dick Dale that made you take heed to the message therein. Jello’s been with some great musicians over the years from DOA to the Melvins, but I don’t think he ever had as good a backing band as East Bay Ray, Klaus Flouride, and D.H. Peligro. And likewise I don’t think any of the remaining Kennedys ever had quite the frontman. That being said I still really am surprised about how much I dig this new East Bay Ray and the Killer Smiles album.

Ray’s guitar work is as great as you remember it. Often imitated never duplicated. And honestly I’m not even put off by singer Skip McSkipster from the Wynonna Riders and recent Dead Kennedys’ tours. Really though as the name implies this is an East Bay Ray project though and through. I mean you know in the same way Van Halen was probably not named Diamond Dave for a reason.

So yeah, definitely check this one out. Who knows maybe some day the planets will align and The Dead Kennedys will kiss and make up… I mean I fucking doubt it but at least they can’t take our records away and at least all parties involved still manage to put out new music worth giving a shit about every once in a while.

You know what I do like? I like American Speedway. Their punk definitely has a metal blade up it’s ass (remember that t-shirt from back in the day? Fuck that was foul.) but it is drunk rowdy shit, all the way through. More Motorhead than Judas Priest. More beer bottle throwing and less Satan admiring, if you see what I mean. Think Joey Ramone and Lemmy devised a band to play at the yearly Ugliest Dudes On Earth Convention. I think it has to do with American Speedway being from Philadelphia. I like Philadelphia. Everybody there, the times I’ve visited, has been half drunk, kinda disheveled and enjoying the Rock and Roll. Much like my good self.

This is their second album. Short good songs to get drunk to and have a laugh. This time out they added a woman named Lorraine “Dirty” McGurty on guitar. She used to play with an all-female Metal band named Wench back in the day. Here’s an FSS fun-fact, a member of Wench gave me a tattoo of a switchblade and a playing card when she was apprenticing at a shop in Jersey City. Ain’t that interesting? Fuck you then. Just get this album. It’s good.

It doesn’t fucking matter what other people think about the music you fucking listen to. If you let the opinions and tastes of the tastemakers wholly affect you either positively or negatively you are a jackoff. Music is something that when you hear it with your own ears you should be able to immediately form your own damn opinion on. Should you read review sites before buying something? Only the mother fucking FSS. But if you find yourself digging something and we don’t like it, get down with your own damn funky self and tell us to fuck off. If you find yourself digging something and then find out Pitchfork likes it too, you should continue to fucking like it you goddamn idiot. You know how many bands I love that have completely horrible fan bases by and large? A lot. But why should I let that ruin something that means something to me?

Every time I see Ballzy mentioned on punk sites it’s immediately followed by people complaining that they’re part of some hipster plan to infiltrate or co-opt punk rock. The same is said of Fucked Up. Christ almighty can’t we all just get a long. I’m not a fan of hipsters either but I’m not gonna not enjoy something I actually like because of them. Just like I’m not gonna like something just because they tell me I should either. Liking or not liking stuff because you’re “supposed to” is their deal… not ours.

Punk Rock is about doing exactly what the fuck you want to do. Fuck popular opinion. Fuck unpopular opinion. It’s your fucking opinion that matters and that alone… now on with the review that would have been short and sweet had I not just read a bunch of people complaining about this band for dumbass reasons.

Saw these guys a few months back when they opened for the mighty OFF. I dug em enough that I picked up their cassette EP. Now they start turning up on Adult Swim and the reason for this I found out is that Williams Street a killer production company is now branching out into putting out records too. This might be one of the smartest business moves of the 21st Century! Put a bunch of snot nosed teenagers singing about drinking, doing drugs, cutting class, hopping turnstiles, puking, and skateboarding on a network that has the exact same teenagers as it’s primary demographic. Who else is staying up that late? I got a job and have to dvr my awesome show, aqua teen, eagleheart, and children’s hospital.

Savvy marketing aside this album is fucking great. Really. It’s not breaking any new ground for hardcore but I don’t think anyone’s done this So-Cal skate punk style this well since Suicidal Tendencies first flipped up their hat brims. If you’re 15 and just getting into punk this album will probably be the best thing you’ve ever heard. If like me you’re twice that age but mentally undeveloped you’ll be into it too.

My only complaint is I had to download this off iTunes. Couldn’t find word of vinyl and I’ve pretty much given up on CDs these days. Doesn’t matter though. Get it anyway you can, this shit rules.

(Editors Note: T Frankenstein realizes the inherent irony in telling people to think for themselves. Is thinking for yourself really thinking for yourself if someone has to tell you to do it?)

Well cause we got jobs and families and record labels to tend to these days. Deal with it.  But that doesn’t mean we aren’t still thinking about music all damn day. Want proof? What follows is a transcript of texts between the Brothers Frankenstein culled over the first half of 2011. MMS texts inserted where relevant.  Real reviews to follow at some point.

T:
P: My next tattoo.
T: Where u puttin it?
P: On meh taint

T: I just read that no doubt and blink 182 are both back in the studio. What Fucking year is this?!?
P: (no response)

P: Cat ahead of me is listening to that peaches song by presidents of the usa.
T: Ahead of you where? 1994???
P: Yup. He’s sitting having a zima with kennedy.
T: Seriously where are you?
P: On the train to south orange.
T: You know they come in a can.
P: What?
T: Peaches. They were put there by a man.
P: In a factory downtoooowwwwn. Fuck Seattle.
T: Those assholes were from Seattle? I thought like Idaho or west Virginia or something
P: Nope. Seattle i think. Friends wit mixalot.
T: Are you thinking of mudhoney?
P: Nope

T: Colder than a pimps heart.
P: Awwww im prison bound.

P: Wild one by thin lizzy done as rocksteady. The guitar lines changed to organ. Think about it.
T: I’m thinkining.

T: Me and E are starting an accapella skinhead band. It’ll be oi! but with no instruments. You in???
P: Yus.
T: Start thinking of names then. Oi!cappella is my suggestion.
P: The fredperrytones.

P: Liquor store down here was playing bastards of young when i walked in drunken lullabies as i walked out.
T: Most awesome liquor store ever?
P: I bought a scratch off. Thought mebbe it was a sign.

T: Have u seen the Chrysler commercial w thursday by morphine in the background?
P: Nope…isn’t he dead.
T: As dillinger.

T: My question to you is how izzit that I have an entire Skavoovie and the epitones album on my ipod? I gotta purge some of this shit.
P: Better than bowling for soup.
T: Just barely.

(3 days later)

T: Just read this headline on punknews “bowling for soup announce new album”. You willed it dude.
P: Fuckin goddamnit.
T: While yer at it can you get save ferris back together for me.
P: Remember dc cabs?
T: Checkered cabs?
P: Yah whatever. Isn’t dc cabs a christian rap group.
T: DC talk is the christian group. Dc Cab was a Mr. T movie.
P: Eat my suck fuckface.
T: Suck my fuck stick.
P Suck my ass it smells.
T: I’m sucking this right now.
P: I’m sharing a dirty rice crispie treat with a kid with shit in his pants.

P: A reggae version of dancing in the moonlight. Think about it.
T: I’ll start thinking these things when you start a reggae band.

T: Yo La Tengo just walked into the bar.
P: Challenge them to a flute solo duel.
T: Guitarist and drummer only.
P: Tell them ur a one man band then fart and clap simultaneously

T: I like watching businessmen lose their balance on trains
P: Me too

P: Lissen u know any misfits songs that have the lyric 52 ways to kill someone? that can’t be danzig era…
T: all i got is 40 eyes and psycho 78 coming to mind.
T: err 20 eyes? 40 is jus too many eyes.
P: Nah it was a song i never heard before… can’t be danzig era.
T: 59 times the pain also comes to mind even tho it’s the huskers. now i’m gonna be thinking of songs with #s all day
P: No the lyric was 52 ways to kill someone…kinda 60ish kinda dark morrissey.
T: Just googled it. It’s saturday night off famous monsters. oh google. so smart. I fucking hate that album by the way. even tho i secretly love american psycho.
P: that was a good song tho… i’m sure the rest of the album sux.
T: it’s abysmal.

P: Ricardooooooo
T: The songs are short and your hem is short too
P: Nate’s pissing off the 10th floor. Ricardooooo.
T: Record companies want us cause they know we’re writin hits
P: They’re buyin us drinks and they’re givin us winks…ohhh ricardoooo
T: Some people were born to ri car do

T: an omlette of disease awaits your noontime meal.
P: A mouth of germicide sedition of ur class?
T: I thought it was “seducin all your glands”. Although i’m not sure what germicide is anyway

T: I fuckin hate greasers man. Hate em hard.
P: But they’re sick boys oh way oh.
T: Fuck those guys oh way oh.

P: Backstreet billys got a gun in is aaaaaaannnnnnnd.
T: What business song izzat?
P: I forget the name.
T: Me too

T: Whatchu thinkin bout? Razzle?
P: Were you texting vince neil?
T: I wouldn’t txt that murderer if you paid me. Hey so Razzle only has 7 fans on fb. 8 Including me. Vince has 13,254.
P: Ok i’ll friend the dead hair rocker tmrw. R U drunk?
T:

P: You got a big mouth sucka.
T: Badump bump!

T: We should start a crust band called fecal spray.
P: We cud rig an inflatable ass to blast dinty moore stew into the crowd as we played.

P: I’m standing here in the train station and u know what? I like that song wrapped round ur finger by the police.
T: Barf.
P: Barf you.
T: Zenyatta barf datta.

T: Coulda been a good dancer.
P: Cud never get the shit off my shoes.

P: Samhain’s archangel. Husker Dus divide and conquer. Alot of melodic similarity. Evidence of a danzig/mould affair? I think the answer is yes.
T: Unfortunately I only have zen arcade on me or I’d research that further. Mould has a tell all book out now. You should see if Glenn is mentioned.
P: Hank’s gonna be so pissed.
T: They have an open relationship.
P. Yeah that’s what glenn says. That dog.
T: You mean he lied to me? Scamp.

P: You know what? I like john cougar melancamp. Way more of his songs are good than bad. So suck it.
T: Even “hurts so good”?
P: Weird you should mention it. It’s stuck in my head and I hate it. Going thru the other songs by him I had this epiphany.
T: Cmon man. Paper and fire! Suck. Wild nights cover! Suck. P Frankenstein! Suck
P: I like paper and fire. Wild nights wud have been aight cept for michele ndegejablonsky. And P Frankenstein is one of the top 10 hits of the century.
T: You’re wrong about everything. You went out on a limb and blew it.
P: I have made a horrible mistake.
T: It was a momentary lapse in judgement. We all have em. I saw U2 live…twice.
P: No I was talkin bout the amount of sauce I put on my thai food. The mellancamp I stand by.

T: I could make $ playin corporate rokk.
P: But stead I got hit by a bus. This songs about Cleveland.

P: Ahm the one that said Jus grab em in the biscuit.
T: So now u gonna do yo dance?
P: First ima eat up all ur crackers. Possibly also ur licorice.
T: Meet u in the uptown burger king bathroom later.
P: Oh man. Humpty was such a foul scoundrel.

P: U ever hear this sage fancis character?
T: Not a fan. You ever hear your mom’s greatest shits?
P: Once. I was very young.
T: That’s the sort of thing that sticks with you into adulthood.

T: The new radiohead sounds even better when yer drunk on sweet sunset wine. For your limbs.
P: I dreamed last nite I was in joan jett’s latest band. For your erections.
T: Joan Jett now or Joan Jett 25 years ago?
P: Now. I’m still down.

T: I’m listening to Vol 1-11 of dope guns and fucking in the streets in a row.
P: I’m listening to an autistic kid yell in my face for 2 more hours.
T: Hahahahahahaha. Loser.

P: C o n s t a P a t i o n a word I can not understand. Constipation is a word that I cant understand.
T: Backed up and singin op ivy. Weird.
P: I’m saying i’m not backed. Never am. Cannot undertand.
T: Oh. Gross.
P: Cant unnerstaaaaannnnnnn

P: It aw ready started in the city.
T: You can go DIE.
P: Sorry no. The correct answer was suburbia will be just as easy. Yes. Close. Your lovely consoluation prize is RIDE A DICK.
T: I wasn’t finishing your quote. I was telling you to fucking DIE.
P: Aiiiiiieeeeee.

P: Cmmmmoooooonnnnnn itz satahday night.
T: Or afternoon or whatever it is.
P: Nah man remember that lordz of brklyn song?
T: Nope. Thought you were quoting Dulli from that French bootleg.
P: Nope. Good call tho.
T: Ned’s atomic dustbin woulda bin my next guess.
P: Which was a cover of a bay city rollers song.
T: Which was on the soundtrack for so I married n axe murderer.

P: U know whats a good song despite sum 41s wretchedness? Little know it all.
T: You make me sick.
P: The one they did with iggy pop. It’s mostly an iggy tune. Check it out. I’m serious.
T: I’m serious. No.
P: Ride a dick.

T: I was thinking of transcribing some of our choice txts about music as an FSS piece. U ok wit dat?
P: Yus