The album is called “Lives” cause apparently people thought this mother fucker straight died after taking an extended six year hiatus betwix albums. I think it was also assumed he died cause both covers for his previous two albums showed him killing himself.  On the cover of “Vs. The Serpentines” he hangs from a noose and on the cover of “Join Dan Sartain” he’s blowing his brains out with a handgun.  But lives he most certainly does. Sartain is so painfully rockabilly it hurts.  He kinda looks like an RnR John Waters. Skinny. Pencil thin mustache. An all around odd duck (on his MySpace he has a forum for people to post their favorite Eazy E quotes). But fuck me he can play. A lot of rockabilly is posturing and hair grease. Sartain greasy as he may be is not posturing in the least. He’s the real deal. Where has he been for the last six years? Fuck you that’s where!

Sartain’s last two albums were on Swami but with “Lives” he joins the roster for One Little Indian (the London based label that brought you the Twilight Singers). He’s got a bunch of 7″s out (the split with him and Henry Dunkel is killer) yet “Lives” isn’t on vinyl (yet at least).  I don’t even know that the CD got a proper US release. I haven’t seen it anywhere and when I ordered it from Amazon they said “only 1 copy left”. This may as a result be tough to track down in stores. But man is it worth it.  Your best bet is to get it direct from One Little Indian or through iTunes.  I suggest the former.

To be fair the only misstep is Bohemian Grove which is a 60′s garage tune to a fault. It’s not a bad song at all, it just feels out of place next to dark tunes about getting bit up by cobras, having atheist funerals, and girls named Ruby Carrol.  I read somewhere that Jack White produced the 7″ Single version of the song, but I don’t see his name in the liner notes for the LP so maybe it’s a different version.  This one song aside the rest of the album is fantastic through and through. If you like garage get it. If you like rockabilly get it.  If you like the blues get it.  If you like dudes in pencil thin mustaches riding zebras get it. Sartain is undoubtedly alive and back to tear shit up.  Check out his free Daytrotter Session or the video below if you don’t believe me.  Oh and Mr. Sartain, my favorite Eazy quote is the one where he goes “So what about the bitch who got shot? Fuck her! You think I give a damn about a bitch? I ain’t a sucker!”

Dan Sartain Atheist Funeral Official Video from One Little Indian Records on Vimeo.

The Sword is back with a third album. By now you know what to expect from these guys — Sabbathy stoner metal about shit that metal nerds love. “Age of Winters” — wizards and shit. “Gods of the Earth” — er, Gods of the Earth and shit. Now “Warp Riders.” Quite frankly, I’m not sure what “Warp Riders” is about. I know it’s a sci-fi concept album. I think it’s about time travel. But there’s archers and orbs and witches and space pirates and Chronomancers…and shit.

Musically, “Warp Riders” offers up pretty much what you’d expect from The Sword. The album starts off with Acheron/Unearthing the Orb, a pretty rocking instrumental, because that’s just how these guys go on about shit. In fact, I think it’s the best track on the whole album — the buildup is intense. From there on, it’s the same fare you’d expect from The Sword, except a bit more polished than anything they’ve done to date. All things told, the album rocks. I’ve drawn quite a few laughs from onlookers as I have rocked out to “Warp Riders” in my car. So pick it up, you will rock out.

It’s a damn good album. It would have been a great album if the concept story made a lick of sense. It doesn’t. Like I said, it’s about an archer, time travel, pirates, androids, orbs, and other assorted sci-fi stuff, but any attempt to tie them all together into anything resembling a narrative is stroke-inducingly frustrating. The band’s website claims that the story is about the battle between good and evil. Well, congratulations. So is every other story ever written, you hipsters. Shit, this review is about the battle between good and evil. (T Frankenstein is evil).

So try not to make sense of the story. You will fail. Enjoy each song individually. After all, the next best thing to a cohesive metal concept album about witches, space pirates, orbs, archers, and time travel is a rocking metal album with individual, stand-alone songs about witches, space pirates, orbs, archers, and time travel. While your metal nerd boner might not cut the sweatpants, it’ll stretch them to their limits, my friends.

T’s Take: This album does not give me an erection (sorry D, if that makes me evil so be it). That’s not to say I don’t dig this album. I do. I just feel like it should have come with a bag of microwavable popcorn. Take any cheesy sci-fi movie you can think of, throw some metal behind it and voila you get “Warp Riders”. I told D earlier in the week that “anyone that takes this shit seriously needs to take a good long hard look in a mirror”. Fucking geeks. Look I can geek out with the best of ‘em. My favorite movie is Empire (Strikes Back… geeks can abbreviate this one). I play video games. I read comic books. I watched Battlestar fucking Galactica. But at the end of the day I know all that shit is just mindless entertainment. I don’t take it seriously. I’m not gonna get worked up and argue over plot points and character motivation. Just let me sit there in peace and veg out with some popcorn and watch a spaceship explode. So yeah I dig “Warp Riders”. It’s entertaining as fuck. I have no idea what it’s about though. Don’t really care either.

The only thing that could have made this album better is if the Mystery Science Theater guys came out in the middle of it and made fun of it. The album cover reminds me of something out of Flash Gordon. Remember that piece of shit!?! So no I don’t take this album seriously. Again you may think by the way I started my review that I don’t like it. I do. I like it for the same reasons I like Nicolas Cage. It crosses the line between ridiculous and awesome (for the sake of argument I drew a scaled down version of my rendition of said line).

If you like Black Sabbath type metal get this. If you like corn-ball sci-fi about orbs and witches and hyperspace warps and archers and people with names like Acheron get this. If you like song titles like The Chronomancer II: Nemesis, you’re a fucking geek, but still you should probably get this since you need something to fill your endless hours of not getting laid. If you like vinyl, again, get this. It sounds fucking phenomenal on wax. The copy amazon sent me is clear orange and hand numbered out of a 5000 copy run. And yes it includes a download code. Just don’t stop me in the street and argue the plot with me. I don’t fucking care.

Tres Brujas

The Sword | MySpace Music Videos

“Only Every Time” is more technically advanced than “Anhedonia.” I have travelled the blogospheriverse thoroughly and “atmospheric” is the word I’ve come across the most to describe the sound. It fits. The album is more about the creation and interplay of alternating somber and exultant moods than the composition of any single story or the advancement of any one theme. Musically, think the dark and energetic mood and atmosphere of the Killers meets the bubbly electronic experimentation of Head Automatica.

One surprising strength The Graduate shows off is the ability to take this somber atmosphere and build it up slowly and somewhat counter-intuitively to a choral sing-along, seemingly out of nowhere, out of place, but completely captivating. See Pull Me In and For the Missing, as well as End of the World as a slower and darker example of this ability. Another recurring style on “Only Every Time” is the electro-pop buildup to a harder, choppier finish such as on All at Once and the lead-off track Don’t Die Digging.

The composition and execution of the album exhibit very few weaknesses. I could nitpick Corey Warning’s vocals, but it would be purely a matter of personal taste. I thought his voice could use a little depth — at times he sounds adolescent to the point of distraction. But again, that’s just personal taste.

Again, if you were one of those who have been holding your breath since “Anhedonia,” let it out. “Only Every Time” won’t disappoint. It’s a compelling mixture of styles, moods, and textures. It shows that The Graduate have grown over the past 3 years. I’m sure “Only Every Time” will cement the indie/college radio darling role that The Graduate deserves.

You remember The Vaselines right? They were that Seattle band that did all those quirky Nirvana covers? Kinda like a grunge version of The Moldy Peaches? Well they’re back. Unfortunately though since our leader Kurt’s def there’s no new Nirvana songs for them to cover, so they (gulp) had to write some new originals instead. (Editors Note: Ignore this entire paragraph.)

I heard the first single off the new Vaselines album a couple weeks back. It was something about the 80s sucking and nostalgia being stupid (I Hate The 80s). Unfortunately though despite the righteous sentiment it was kinda lame as songs go. But I dig this Scottish duo as much as ‘ol Kurt did so I bought the “Sex With An X” 7 inch anyway. And I gotta say I’m glad I did. Both songs on this one are leaps and bounds better than that anti-80s track I heard prior. Sex With An X is the best Camper Van Beethoven song you never heard. I can’t put my finger on it but there’s a quality here often imitated never duplicated that’s lost in today’s music. That being the proper marriage of pop, melody, and rock and roll. The guitar solo on the A-side kinda reminds me of the theme music for The Kids In The Hall for some reason (they’re back too in case ya didn’t know… maybe I just have them on the brain). Eugene Kelly and Frances McKee manage to be the best girl/guy rock duo since John Doe and Exene. I’m excited now for the upcoming full length (also on Sub Pop). So pick this one up. It’s a good time. Or pickup the recent triple 12″ (Sub Pop again) called “Enter The Vaselines” which is pretty much everything they’ve ever recorded up until now. Plus everything on Sub Pop comes with download codes and awww baby you (they) know what I like.

One more interesting note the cover art for this one is oddly similar to the cover for the new Mark Lanegan/Isobel Campbell album “Hawk” that also came out this week. Wassupwitdat?  C’mon now rock photographers get it together!  You’re making yourselves look stupid is all I’m sayin.

The Vaselines – Sex With An X from Sub Pop Records on Vimeo.

So how does this one man band sound? Mostly like The Ramones (and they all fucking hated each other so maybe that’s why Rob goes it alone). You know as a sidenote (sidenote within a sidenote: I luv sidenotes): my mother once saw a dude with no arms play guitar with his feet at her church rec center. She asked me to go and as tempting as it was I turned it down for fear of being roped into religion… that seems relevant doesn’t it? But it sorta is cause I imagine Rob has to play something with his feet during his live show.

All joking aside I really dig this album. Classic Ramones inspired acoustic R n R does the soul good. Especially in the summertime. Check the Femurs out. And drop Rob an email or FaceBook friend request or something. Jesus.  He may just be bad at at making the first move.

Ceremony have been compared to Black Flag, the Cro-Mags, Joy Division, etc., etc. etc. While including Ceremony in such company is a well-intentioned compliment, trying to classify this band does a disservice to what Ceremony has accomplished with “Rohnert Park.” Fans of the Adolescents, TSOL, and other great 80′s hardcore music will find familiar territory — that’s true. But it’s not the music that is so familiar — it’s the wond’rous Anarchy that you felt when you listened to the Germs or (really early) Bad Religion for the first time. While Ceremony will easily draw comparisons to earlier hardcore outfits, they’re not just Black Flag or Dead Kennedy clones — they’re cut from the same cloth. They belong in the 80′s.

The idyllic calm portrayed on the album cover (inset) is destroyed with the screams of Sick, the second track of the album and its pacesetter. M.C.D.F. is a jumpy, old-school style punk track track about going to jail, which is always fun. (Songs about jail, not going to jail). Open Head is a a slower but no-less-intense chant anthem sing-along about a lovably creepy outcast. Night to Life is the closest thing you’ll find to a Punk traditional on “Rohnert Park” — loud, short, mean.

Back in ’84 encapsulates the mood of this album — it’s a snarling, spitting, sarcastic reminiscence of being flung from the womb into a soul-crushing, dangerous world. My only criticism of “Rohnert Park” is that Back in ’84 was not the first track, as it should have been. The album’s tone, attitude, and testicular fortitude are perfectly captured on this track. (“Back in ’84 I nearly choked on the u-cord/ ‘Til my dad came and cut me loose/ He said ‘The pain you feel today, it’ll never go away/ and the best way out is always through.’”)

Besides being an intense, face-melting juggernaut of an album, “Rohnert Park” is also unpredictable and varied for a hardcore release. It surprises with slower tonal relief pieces like Into the Wayside (parts I, II, and III) and The Doldrums (Friendly City). You’ll find Into the Wayside at the beginning, middle, and end of the album. Into the Wayside Part II features a slower tempo and more intricate guitar solos, albeit played over an unidentified narrator’s recounting of an incident where his neighbor died on the bathroom floor while he unsuccessfully tried to help. Into the Wayside Part III ends the piece in a similar fashion, this time with mood music played over the chatter of television, disembodied voices, and police radio blurbs.

It gets annoying trying to describe Ceremony or their album “Rohnert Park” by referring to the sounds of other bands. It’s an easy way out and it wouldn’t result in an accurate description. I’ll describe it in a nutshell as follows — it’s a moody, mean, intense, aggressive hardcore album that will make your teeth rattle. (See — hardcore the adjective, not Hardcore the noun). “Rohnert Park” is a sick-ass album that could have been sold in the racks alongside any other legendary release of the last 3 decades. I think these guys are just going to get better. They’re going to release more albums and those albums might be technically superior or more elegantly produced than “Rohnert Park.” But the people who were on board when “Rohnert Park” came out are going to have a hard time accepting that this album can be one-upped, no matter how good any later releases get. This will be the fan favorite.

Touch and Go Issue 22

I’m not much of a reader. I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit this as I think those that are might think me stupid or lazy. But I have read the three books often regarded as the bibles of punk, those being “American Hardcore”, “Our Band Could Be Your Life” and “Get In The Van” (the book on CD counts right?). My point is that anyone marginally into punk has probably read one or all of these books, or at least heard of em. Well add “Touch and Go – The Complete Hardcore Punk Zine” to the list cause it’s every bit as important, and in a lot of ways more entertaining and interesting than the others I just mentioned.
The reason “Touch and Go” is so great is that it was written while all this shit was actually happening. We all have preconceived notions of bands from years of exposure. These guys were discovering punk rock in the moment. I mean it’s amazing to read something like a review of the Bad Brains Pay To Cum 7″ done by someone who’s not only hearing them for the first time but also by someone that has no prior notion of the band whatsoever.  Opinions on bands like The Cramps, The Misfits, Sham 69, Black Flag, Dead Kennedys, Minutemen, The Specials, and about a million other punk and indie bands lost to the past fill the 500+ pages of this amazing amazing book.

Authors Tesco Vee and Dave Stimson

Writers TV and DS (Tesco Vee of later Meatmen fame and Dave Stimson) are hilarious. Two punks stuck in Lansing Michigan while NY, LA, DC, and jolly old England are exploding around them with new music. There’s a scene in Lansing sure and they chronicle it. But mostly they get all their culture from record shop imports and zines like Slash. And in the end they themselves end up creating something amazing out of their sheer love of music. The reviews herein range from informative to insulting to hilarious. They make vendettas against local DJs, radio stations, bands, labels, and clubs. They have a regular guest writer that sends them articles from jail dubbed the “Rock and Roll Bank Robber”. They have lists upon lists of things they love and things they hate (it always cracks me up that so many punks back then hated The Clash). They’re not narrow-minded by a long shot either (Joy Division and The Cure get frequent praise). And all of it is done in the most D.I.Y. way possible. This is well well before home computers.

John Brannon of Negative Approach on the Cover

“Touch and Go – The Complete Hardcore Punk Zine” collects every issue. Every review. Every joke. Every insult. Every dick joke. Every rant. It’s a dense book that will take some time to read. If you consider yourself punk you need this. If you consider yourself a fan of music you need this. If you want to start a zine of your own here’s your guide. It also includes new essays by Tesco and Dave themselves, Ian MacKaye, Hank Rollins, Keith Morris, and more.  Stop reading this review and just buy the damn thing already.

Does this 7″ live up to all that these guys have done previous? Not really. But it’s hard cause those albums are so intensely good there’s little that stands up to them period. But that being said this 7″ is definitely worth checking out. Dog Food is apparently an Iggy Pop cover although I’m not familiar with the original.  As a song it’s about being so destitute that you have to eat alpo. It’s also oddly about liking it. In between screaming there’s a lot of barking. File under RnR? Yup. The B-side (Smashed Apart) is a mostly acoustic number plus screaming minus barking about smashing apart things. Not to be confused with emo acoustic screaming mind you. Actual manly man screaming. Possibly the screaming has to do with Oliveri being annoyed by the lack of electric instruments on the track… or something about a girl maybe? Either way check it out. I’m interested in hearing the full length and I bet their live show is nuts too.

Last week Fear bassist Derf Scratch died and it’s been a little while since we rapped at cha bout the FSS’s undying love of the band so here is a quasi rant/review of “The Record” and “More Beer” courtesy of P ‘n’ T (we’re dynomite). T feels strongly about “The Record”.  While P feels the same about “More Beer”. And you know what? They’re both right.

This picture needs no caption.

T’s Take: I’m writing this on a train home from NY to NJ which really is the perfect place to start talking bout Fear. Right now “The Record” is blasting in my phones. Some old codger is busting serious old man ass in the seat next to me and a woman has just given me shit for my bike taking up two seats. I fucking hate these people. I hate New York, trains, farts that aren’t my own, and lugging around a bike and then getting lip service from a stranger who shoulda got to the train on time to get a seat. Fear hates all these things too. And look.. I try to be positive most days.  When I’m not rockin’ the Bad Brains PMA though, Fear is my soundtrack.  Cause sometimes you just have to give up and hate on shit.  And listen, a lot of bands hate a lot of things. War. Fascism. Racism. Poverty. The police state. Actual things. Ya know? Fear takes it a step past all that. They straight hate humanity. They hate the idea of family. They hate New York. They hate saxophones. They laugh at old men dying on the streets. Ironically, they don’t hate war. In fact they encourage it, cause well…there’s too many of us mother fuckers. I understand this. I can get behind this. Right now… on this train. As punk records go it’s not called “The Record” for nothing. It is THE record. The only one you need. I’m serious. It’s angry. Immediate. Raw. Loud. Crass. Obnoxious. Arty music snobs need not apply.  Pitchfork suck my balls. Fear is for the kids in the stree-aht (and the men on the trains). Oh yeah they sing about beef bologna too. So rest in peace Derf. I’m sure even you’d agree one less person isn’t all bad at the end of the day.

P’s Take: I was thinking yesterday, only briefly, and it occurred to me that Fear sounded like a butterfly knife. You remember butterfly knives? Those badly-made blades you used to be able to get in Chinese stores back in the day for like five bucks? You could flip them around, they folded up into their handles. Don’t act like you don’t know… yeah them. They were cheap and nasty. Fear sounded like that. I mean that as a compliment.

Fear “The Album” is exceptional. A fucking awesome piece of work, I listen to it probably once every two weeks. But “More Beer”…I dunno. It’s is so much more Fear-ish.

Lemme explain. From what I can piece together Fear was basically just a vehicle for Lee Vings asshattery. The guy essentially made a living out of being a dick. Again I mean this as a compliment. “The Album” is a cohesive bit of early ‘80’s hardcore punk rock, although played with suspiciously better chops than 99 percent of the rest of bands of that time, or since for that matter. “More Beer” is a well-produced, shiny train wreck. It sounds like a caricature of a punk band. If an episode of C.H.I.P.S. had featured a punk show, and I think they may have (ed. They did.), Fear would have been on playing a cut from “More Beer”. Probably The Mouth Don’t Stop. And in between filming Lee would have spit at Erik Estrada… Cuz fuck that guy.

The whole album is a fucking farce, the first song advises women to shut the fuck up once in a while, the third expresses Fear’s desire for more beverages, and track eight is of the opinion that the Cold War could have been brought to an instant conclusion by vaporizing most of Eastern Europe. Fucking, fucking awesome.

That’s really it. “More Beer” is everything stupid about the 80’s, everything cheap and nasty and awesome given an 8/8 beat and overproduced. Like cheap butterfly knives. Like Married With Children on amphetamine. I mean that as a compliment.

And, as a post script, the CD re-issue has demos of Living In The City and my personal favorite Fear song Now Your Dead. This review is for the late Derf Scratch, who died recently after a long illness. What illness? I dunnno but as Lee sang:

Must’a been bad
Now you’re dead

(As a side note, today a Jet Blue employee called a plane full of people mother fuckers, grabbed a beer, and escaped out of an emergency hatch.  Fear would approve of this.  In fact, whether the employee knew it or not, Fear was his soundtrack)

“Gift Horse” begins with the angry boasts of a sadistic, arrogant God with Last Resort. MG does a good job of creating the formidable image of a bombastic ruler mocking his cowering subjects and boasting his might. Enter Lucifer. Left Path introduces the rebellious protagonist with a synth-heavy slow metal groove with some vocoder backing. He won’t be “painted the fool,” so he fights the power and challenges his God (who’s kind of a dick). He gets banished for his pride, and agonizes in exile on Days of Yore, a slower, moodier piece that puts us in Lucifer’s head as he yearns for home.

Lucifer begins recruiting an army for the war against heaven on The Great Deceiver. God replies by flexing his muscles yet again and reminding all who will listen that those who trust in him will be spared on White Horse. The Seventh Seal closes the narrative, with Lucifer lamenting one final time how he’s been unfairly booted from his home after his trust had been betrayed by a violent king who promised protection and salvation but broke those promises. For all of us who know this familiar story, Lucifer will go on to make unsuccessful war on heaven and inspire some very silly music in Norway.

“Gift Horse” is “Paradise Lost” remade as a metal B-movie. A dark, stylish B-movie like “King of New York” or “The Prophecy.” MG takes a timeless theme and introduces a tense revenge-story aesthetic that keeps the pace fit for one-shot listening (and reefer smoking). While Milton used Lucifer as a mouthpiece for radical and Romantic ideals, Giganticus uses him as an avatar for all the mixed-up outcast rebel metal and punk kids who will likely wind up digging this album.

Of course, with the potential breadth of such a subject, a bit more substance would have been appropriate. “Gift Horse” is comprised of only 7 songs, spanning less than 30 mins. But I dig it — the length was the only problem I had. (Dick Joke goes here). For a “debut,” it’s a decent effort. It’s an odd, cool, fun, interesting little album. Definitely worth a listen.

***I have since been informed that he is not the guy who sang Modern Day Cowboy and covered Signs. –D